Trawling the cheap shops again…

September 14th, 2008 by Gigerpunk

In the 99p store, situated where the 2-pound shop was:

Highlander Crisps you say?

In packs of 8 you say?

But…but surely…

 Honestly, I can't be the only to think this, can I?

 

There can be only one?

 

Right, that's that off my chest finally. Why I didn't buy any I guess I'll never know.

Oh yes, maybe it was because I'd spent so long trying to get a clear photo of the bloody things with people barging past all the time I figured a hasty retreat was the best option once done.

And it's amazing how self-conscious you feel getting your mobile out to take a photo in the 99p store…although in my case I wasn't likely to be mugged for it, more likely just pointed and laughed at for having such an old phone…

 

Actually, Whilst I'm thinking of wrongness I've noticed in shops (and I still have my mobile connected) I might as well upload this product too…

No. No. NO!

No. Just no. Taste the Goodness indeed.

Maybe I've got a filthy mind (ok, yes I know, there shouldn't be a maybe back there) but please, someone tell me I'm not the only one to think that that's not right…

Posted in Pointless, Disturbing, Shops, Poor attempts at humour, Food | 2 Comments »

Oh no…not like this…

March 4th, 2008 by Gigerpunk

So many months, so few posts, and now…what on earth could drag me back to the keyboard to rant after so many other things have been and gone and been left uncommented?

How about Hayden Christensen being mooted as playing Case in the film version of Neuromancer? 

No.

Please no.

He didn't single-handedly ruin the star wars prequels he was in but he certainly didn't help matters.

Jumper looks like it could've been an interesting film (and I was looking forward to plenty of poor B3ta spinoffs like Cardigan or Sweater) but I've not yet seen a single good review of that. I've certainly not seen anything that would give the impression he's a good actor let down by a poor film, so I'm assuming he's as bad in that as he was in Star Wars. Anyone who knows me will know that that doesn't necessarily mean I won't watch Jumper anyway though - There's many a bad film I actually enjoy, and it might be the good kind of bad - i.e. Mortal Kombat 1 rather than Mortal Kombat 2. Resident Evil rather than Resident Evil Apocalypse. And getting back to the William Gibson/Sprawl side of things, I'll include Johnny Mnemonic in my list of poor films that I "don't actually mind".

 

Did I just admit that to the net? Hmmm. Ok, I'm sorry. I know it's shockingly awful and dated and corny and every criticism you may throw at it is probably entirely correct and justified but still…it's Johnny Mnemonic! It's almost there! /Izzard "In my miiiiiind!"

And Keanu, ok so he's just a great big dumb plank in the film but I could live with that, I could see Johnny being like that.

Something in my mind keeps telling me "Just imagine how kickass it would be if it was good!" and I keep watching…

But Hayden Christensen as Case? No. Just no. Please somebody stop this sick joke now. I'd rather they didn't make the film at all. I'd rather it stayed as a dream in my head, rather it remained only as a book, a series of mp3s for long car journeys and a dated old game on my c64 I'll never play again.

Neuromancer > Blade Runner in my mind and casting this charisma-bypass of an 'actor' in the lead role is just absolute heresy.

It'd be like Blade Runner remade as an action movie starring Vin Diesel, retiring replicants left right and centre.

It'd be like a Hanna-Barbera or Filmation version of Ghost in the Shell

It'd be like taking a classic Asimov book and turning it into a Will Smith action movie complete with kickass motorbike chase sequence.

Oh, wait.

Oh Frak.

 

Posted in Rambling, Rant, Geekitry, Gaming, Disturbing, Cyber, Books, Films | No Comments »

Don’t you just hate?

September 9th, 2007 by Gigerpunk

Poorly updated sites? How annoying is it when you go to a site and it's still exactly the same as the last time you went there? And what's even worse is you don't even go there that often. T'choh, I dunno, buncha bloody losers running that place.

Oh yeah. And forgetfulness, that's feckin' annoying too isn't it? Keep meaning to write a post and then when you finally get the time to write it,you can't remember what you were going to write. At all. On the flipside, most things seem new and exciting when you're forgetful, as as far as you're concerned, whenever you hear/see somethin, it's the first you've heard of it/first time you've ever seen it. I'm suprised I don't wander around the place with a permanent expression of amazement plastered across my big dumb face.

Actually, thinking of which, I had that expression when I saw this clip just now - I think it was the bit about 'do the puppet master!' that did it for me…It's a bit different to how Heinlein envisaged the puppet masters I'm sure…

 

I'm reminded of seeing Jeremy Irons doing Playschool/Playaway, and also why Elijah Wood shouldn't be allowed any more Sunny Delight. Kia-ora, that's one thing (the whole set looks to me like 'it's too orangey for crows'), but Sunny D obviously does very very bad things to hobbitsss…

(was Kia-Ora a gateway drug to harder 'soft' drinks like Sunny D I wonder?)

Posted in Rant, TV, Music, Disturbing | No Comments »

Psychotic Clowns, the Return Of

June 29th, 2007 by Psybernoid

Ok, so there I was, ambling along down the high street of a local town and what did I see?

 

Yup, a Moscow State Circus poster.

 

Seems this clown is hell-bent on being a repressed memory to every child nationwide. 

Posted in Clowns, Disturbing | 1 Comment »

Eurovision ‘07: The Aftermath

May 13th, 2007 by Gigerpunk

Well, as we suspected, that was a bloody shambles wasn't it?

Fairly suprised by the end result tho, found the mix of music this year quite varied but hadn't rated Serbias entry at all. Nothing really jumped out at me as being the winner, there were just differing levels of awfulness.

Nice to see some countries had taken note of Lordi winning last year though, so we at least had a few songs that were more guitar-heavy than usual, even if they did sound like Evanescance b-sides. And there was still plenty of variety with blues, jazz and even 70's Glam-rock (wtf!?) represented alongside the usual borat-sings-ricky-martin efforts.

 

Even with the extra variety livening things up however, I didn't think the quality of the singing was up to much, in particular;

Bulgaria (nice entry, and sung ok, but I think her vocal range needed to be a bit (?) longer? wider? taller? not sure of the correct terminology, but it just seemed a bit flat)

and Ireland (who only just stopped short of dressing as drunken, Guinness-swigging Leprechauns, kissing the blarney stone and singing about their lucky charms. Ah begorrah.)

Speaking of which, Terry's commentary was top class as usual, like a favourite uncle half-cut on cheap sherry - I dread to think who they'll get in to replace him when he finally decides to hand the gig over to someone else. Eddie Izzard or Bill Bailey would be good, but I'm scared they'll get some irritating twunt like Graham Norton to do it instead…Still, only criticism I can give poor old Tel would be about him constantly harping on about the rampant block-voting that goes on - He didn't seem to complain when Ireland and Malta gave us points, and they certainly weren't for the quality of our song was it?

(12 points Malta? Are you all on crack or what? We you listening to the same song as the rest of us?)

 

Unfortunately, due to these sympathy votes, we actually end up with 19 ill-gotten points, rather than the nul points we so obviously deserved for foisting Scooch upon Europe. So, now europe has something else to add to their list of the dross to come from Britain - a lack of mixer taps, football hooligans, (supposedly) awful cuisine and now music in Eurovision so bad it relys on sympathy votes to be rated equal to France (who haven't won since '77 fact fans)…

And what was with the smutty remarks about 'salted nuts sir?' and 'something to suck on for landing, sir?' during the song? Was that honestly meant to be funny? If it was at least funny it would have been something but it was as painful to watch as the mad Finnish bint dressed in pink trying to pretend she'd won the chance to present and that's why her presenting skills were so godawful.

And speaking of godawful (but wanting to not carry on about scooch), Lets have a quick reminder of the Ukraine's entry.

Ukraine = WTF??
As if you could ever forget an entry by this man.
 

Right. Well, ok, that's to be expected each year at Eurovision really isn't it?

But, 2nd place? You what?

Have to admit though, that one really did throw a spanner in the works of my thinking how it was going to work this year. There I was, quite logically (I assumed), thinking that we'd have some credible music this year, and it'd should show the idots who gave scooch the job that decent artists and decent music was the way to go rather than the usual tacky eurotrash-end-credits rejects. And then ukraines entry romped up the scoreboard and came second…so much for my theory.

  

What're the odds we'll put forward the same old tat again next year, the logic being that if the Ukraine could do it, so can we? Ignoring the fact that

a) The Ukraine didn't actually win, it was an odd looking woman singing a rather dull song, and

b) We've done shit music the past few years and have failed miserably every time…time for a change methinks.

Posted in Rambling, TV, Music, Disturbing | 6 Comments »

Mary

April 6th, 2007 by Psybernoid

Y'know. This is uncannily how I saw Mary Poppins when I was a kid.

 

 

Posted in Disturbing | 1 Comment »

Clowns. Not right. Especially this one.

February 12th, 2007 by Gigerpunk

Look at this. Saw this poster liberally slapped around town the other week.

Surely there's got to be some kind of law prohibiting the placing of disturbing images like this in public where anyone can see it?

Let alone covering half a large city in it?

Moscow Clown 

I mean, really, there's no call for that is there? Look at that face.

Clowns are not right at the best of times, but that? That's just fecking freakish - that's not a smile or a laugh for a start, that's a scream.

A high pitched, insistent, bloodthirsty scream. He doesn't look like he's about to stab you in the gut, he looks like he already has and is now twisting the knife. And then the screaming starts, your face flecked with his spittle as he screams his long constant shriek, his stinking damp breath in your face never seeming to run out, screaming and screaming at you from only inches away, his furious howling just increasing in pitch and volume as the burning pain in your gut gets worse and worse as he plunges the blade into your stomach and chest again and again and again…

Don't get me wrong, I'm not someone who has an irrational fear of clowns, but that guy's not right.

Whoever decided he was a good way to advertise their circus is obviously not thinking too clearly. And the same goes for whoever said it was ok to paste this poster all over town. And also all the shop owners who put the posters up in their shop windows. I think Mr Shrieky-Stab the clown possibly visited them all…

Suffice to say, I shall not be patronising this circus at any foreseeable point in the future. 

Posted in Rant, Clowns, Disturbing | 1 Comment »